Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm getting married
To pizza
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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