I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
