hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
