She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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