ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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