so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
