when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
