I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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