I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
