I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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