i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
