She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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