your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
