i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
