Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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