i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
