For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize