Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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