Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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