ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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