omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
