I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
sex in a hospital.. check
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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