I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
