i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
