Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
