Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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