these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
