Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
