i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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