sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize