At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The beer is more important than you right now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
