i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
