Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
