I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
