we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize