Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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