She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
