Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
