wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
