I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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