He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
