I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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