i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
