You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
