sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
