gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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