Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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