Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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