it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
