This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
