good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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