Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
