It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
