He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
