soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You took a bar mat shot.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
