people are starting to question the shark bite story
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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