We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
