he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
