You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
