I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
