He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
