I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
