She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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